If you want to date me your going to have to join the ancient cult and bathe in the blood of unbaptized children and survive 10 rounds of 1-6 Russian roulette while getting punch fucked by a 12 year old in a little league outfit, a mouse will be placed into your rectum and corked into it with a block of Swiss cheese and your genitals will be severely beaten until they burst forth the fluids of life making. you will be crucified backwards and your ankles will be slashed to feed our hounds, don't scream they are judging you every second to see if you have the spark of damnation on your heart, if you do it will be removed and placed for a week in the chest of a preserved cadaver for later postmortem Vha'azd creation/necrotic rape, if there is no spark your carcass will be devoured whole and your soul purified into pure misery for the master to ingest.
If your sanity and reason survive becoming one with the column of flesh and the haphazard rituals have been performed and observed properly, you will have all of your senses removed for one year, your eyes will be turned inside your head, your tongue removed, your nervous system severed two degrees below the brain stem, your ear drums shall be ruptured and your sinuses and nasal cavities shall be burnt out with liquid silver.
If when you wake up in the body we so choose you are sane you are welcome to join with me in unholy matrimony and become my equal. if not than your new body shall be devoured, raped, and your soul shall be purified misery for the consumption of its unholiness the keeper of the gate and the key to the gate, all hail his might, CHORONZON!!! IA YOG SOTHOTH, IA SHUB NIGGURATH, IA RYLEH, CTHULHU FAHTAGN!!!!
You take yourself too seriously, nobody is that interested and your ego needs to deflate, Im sorry I even read the first two lines, Mon diu, listen to yourself Paige, you have lost all of my respect as a person. What happened to that sweet girl I used to know? do you know how powerful words are? they are magic you know, you set yourself up as the Queen of nothing, I hope you enjoy it.
try having a little fun with your youth, you might as well be a fucking nun with those standards, marry the jewish prophet and die a wrinkled untasted wasted and putrid fetid mass of sulfurous stench, open the mouth of hell and let it devour you!
I will say no more to you ever. I hope you read this and delete me from your friends and ban me, there is no need to further consider you a person, YOU ARE FOOD FOR WORMS, nothing.
Sincerely, Jordan Le May
PS THIS NOTE WAS WRITTEN IN RESPONSE TO THE LIST OF STANDARDS CREATED BY PAIGE BERGMAN, I TAKE IT PERSONALLY AS AN ATTACK ON HUMILITY, THIS WOMAN WOULD SAY NO TO THE FACE OF LOVE AND TRADE IT IN FOR ONE OF SATANS HUNDRED COCKS. MONEY, POWER, AND MANIPULATION ARE ALL THAT ARE REQUIRED TO MEET THESE STANDARDS, LOVE IS NOT INVOLVED IN THIS ONE TIME. VIRTUE AND TRUE CHIVALRY ARE DESTROYED ONCE AGAIN BY A WOMAN. I MAKE IT MY PERSONAL GOAL TO DEFEND ANYONE WHO HAS AN ACTUAL PERSONALITY FROM THE TYRANNY OF HER CONSTRAINTS. IF I WOULD HAVE KNOWN THIS SIDE OF HER I WOULD HAVE NEVER BECOME A FRIEND OF HERS IN THE FIRST PLACE AND I AM DEEPLY SORRY THAT I HAVE. THIS WILL BE FORGOTTEN AND NEVER SPOKEN OF AS SHOULD ANY TRUE STAIN ON THE SOUL OF FREEDOM.
DO WHAT THOU WILT SHALL BE THE WHOLE OF THE LAW
LOVE IS THE LAW, LOVE UNDER WILL
EVERY MAN AND EVERY WOMAN IS A STAR
preserved for posterity and saved to my PC should anything become of this,
THE ORIGINAL LETTER.
Don’t call me by my last name constantly.
Or ever.
I am not one of your “bros”, and it is certainly not helping your chances of taking me on a date.
Also, if I don’t answer you in one form of communication, feel free to stop there. No need to try and contact me in 5 other ways.
Sexual talk is not a plus. If somehow by a miracle of geezus I go on a date with you, you will be dating me for my personality. Not my body. If you mistakenly think otherwise, I have 4 brothers, a father and a step father who would be happy to show you the light.
I am a big fan of chivalry and romantic surprises. Big big fan.
Let me spoil you if I want. No use arguing with me. I will just get annoyed and do it anyways. Making others happy, makes me happier than you can imagine. Shut up and just let me do it.
Smell nice. I greatly appreciate not only a man that takes the time to groom himself, but go the extra mile to smell nice. Not that axe stuff, but a nice cologne. P.s. please don’t bathe in your cologne. I’ll point it out. And you will be embarrassed.
Let me steal your shirts and hoodies. It makes me feel special and close to you. I don’t care if you want to wear your favorite Supreme shirt the next day.
Be funny. You don’t make me laugh, I won’t be around much. Seriously.
I don’t expect you to talk to me every day. But something as little as a good morning have a nice day text makes all the difference.
The day you meet my parents, you will meet my cat, Mittens. You will shake my parents hands and be as polite as you have ever been in your life. You will not try to pet my cat. He is judging you every second you are here to ensure you are worthy of me. Should you not meet his standards, you will not step foot in my household again. Mittens is head honcho of my heart. Don’t mess with him.
If you have a barrage of women you flirt with, have sex with and flat out say/do the same things with them as you do with me, beat it. Hit the road. Unacceptable. Not happening. Forget about it. No. Scum.
A job and your own mode of transportation are to be expected at least.
Smoking is disgusting. If you smoke or chew, your mouth will not be coming anywhere near me until you quit.
It’s Paige time. I’m done having crappy standards. I’m done settling. I am going to get someone I deserve. These are just a few things I feel need to be enforced.
If your sanity and reason survive becoming one with the column of flesh and the haphazard rituals have been performed and observed properly, you will have all of your senses removed for one year, your eyes will be turned inside your head, your tongue removed, your nervous system severed two degrees below the brain stem, your ear drums shall be ruptured and your sinuses and nasal cavities shall be burnt out with liquid silver.
If when you wake up in the body we so choose you are sane you are welcome to join with me in unholy matrimony and become my equal. if not than your new body shall be devoured, raped, and your soul shall be purified misery for the consumption of its unholiness the keeper of the gate and the key to the gate, all hail his might, CHORONZON!!! IA YOG SOTHOTH, IA SHUB NIGGURATH, IA RYLEH, CTHULHU FAHTAGN!!!!
You take yourself too seriously, nobody is that interested and your ego needs to deflate, Im sorry I even read the first two lines, Mon diu, listen to yourself Paige, you have lost all of my respect as a person. What happened to that sweet girl I used to know? do you know how powerful words are? they are magic you know, you set yourself up as the Queen of nothing, I hope you enjoy it.
try having a little fun with your youth, you might as well be a fucking nun with those standards, marry the jewish prophet and die a wrinkled untasted wasted and putrid fetid mass of sulfurous stench, open the mouth of hell and let it devour you!
I will say no more to you ever. I hope you read this and delete me from your friends and ban me, there is no need to further consider you a person, YOU ARE FOOD FOR WORMS, nothing.
Sincerely, Jordan Le May
PS THIS NOTE WAS WRITTEN IN RESPONSE TO THE LIST OF STANDARDS CREATED BY PAIGE BERGMAN, I TAKE IT PERSONALLY AS AN ATTACK ON HUMILITY, THIS WOMAN WOULD SAY NO TO THE FACE OF LOVE AND TRADE IT IN FOR ONE OF SATANS HUNDRED COCKS. MONEY, POWER, AND MANIPULATION ARE ALL THAT ARE REQUIRED TO MEET THESE STANDARDS, LOVE IS NOT INVOLVED IN THIS ONE TIME. VIRTUE AND TRUE CHIVALRY ARE DESTROYED ONCE AGAIN BY A WOMAN. I MAKE IT MY PERSONAL GOAL TO DEFEND ANYONE WHO HAS AN ACTUAL PERSONALITY FROM THE TYRANNY OF HER CONSTRAINTS. IF I WOULD HAVE KNOWN THIS SIDE OF HER I WOULD HAVE NEVER BECOME A FRIEND OF HERS IN THE FIRST PLACE AND I AM DEEPLY SORRY THAT I HAVE. THIS WILL BE FORGOTTEN AND NEVER SPOKEN OF AS SHOULD ANY TRUE STAIN ON THE SOUL OF FREEDOM.
DO WHAT THOU WILT SHALL BE THE WHOLE OF THE LAW
LOVE IS THE LAW, LOVE UNDER WILL
EVERY MAN AND EVERY WOMAN IS A STAR
preserved for posterity and saved to my PC should anything become of this,
THE ORIGINAL LETTER.
Don’t call me by my last name constantly.
Or ever.
I am not one of your “bros”, and it is certainly not helping your chances of taking me on a date.
Also, if I don’t answer you in one form of communication, feel free to stop there. No need to try and contact me in 5 other ways.
Sexual talk is not a plus. If somehow by a miracle of geezus I go on a date with you, you will be dating me for my personality. Not my body. If you mistakenly think otherwise, I have 4 brothers, a father and a step father who would be happy to show you the light.
I am a big fan of chivalry and romantic surprises. Big big fan.
Let me spoil you if I want. No use arguing with me. I will just get annoyed and do it anyways. Making others happy, makes me happier than you can imagine. Shut up and just let me do it.
Smell nice. I greatly appreciate not only a man that takes the time to groom himself, but go the extra mile to smell nice. Not that axe stuff, but a nice cologne. P.s. please don’t bathe in your cologne. I’ll point it out. And you will be embarrassed.
Let me steal your shirts and hoodies. It makes me feel special and close to you. I don’t care if you want to wear your favorite Supreme shirt the next day.
Be funny. You don’t make me laugh, I won’t be around much. Seriously.
I don’t expect you to talk to me every day. But something as little as a good morning have a nice day text makes all the difference.
The day you meet my parents, you will meet my cat, Mittens. You will shake my parents hands and be as polite as you have ever been in your life. You will not try to pet my cat. He is judging you every second you are here to ensure you are worthy of me. Should you not meet his standards, you will not step foot in my household again. Mittens is head honcho of my heart. Don’t mess with him.
If you have a barrage of women you flirt with, have sex with and flat out say/do the same things with them as you do with me, beat it. Hit the road. Unacceptable. Not happening. Forget about it. No. Scum.
A job and your own mode of transportation are to be expected at least.
Smoking is disgusting. If you smoke or chew, your mouth will not be coming anywhere near me until you quit.
It’s Paige time. I’m done having crappy standards. I’m done settling. I am going to get someone I deserve. These are just a few things I feel need to be enforced.
