You are not a Princess

If you want to date me your going to have to join the ancient cult and bathe in the blood of unbaptized children and survive 10 rounds of 1-6 Russian roulette  while getting punch fucked by a 12 year old in a little league outfit, a mouse will be placed into your rectum and corked into it with a block of Swiss cheese and your genitals will be severely beaten until they burst forth the fluids of life making.  you will be crucified backwards and your ankles will be slashed to feed our hounds, don't scream they are judging you every second to see if you have the spark of damnation on your heart, if you do it will be removed and placed for a week in the chest of a preserved cadaver for later postmortem Vha'azd creation/necrotic rape, if there is no spark your carcass will be devoured whole and your soul purified into pure misery for the master to ingest.

If your sanity and reason survive becoming one with the column of flesh and the haphazard rituals have been performed and observed properly, you will have all of your senses removed for one year, your eyes will be turned inside your head, your tongue removed, your nervous system severed two degrees below the brain stem, your ear drums shall be ruptured and your sinuses and nasal cavities shall be burnt out with liquid silver.

If when you wake up in the body we so choose you are sane you are welcome to join with me in unholy matrimony and become my equal.  if not than your new body shall be devoured, raped, and your soul shall be purified misery for the consumption of its unholiness the keeper of the gate and the key to the gate, all hail his might, CHORONZON!!!  IA YOG SOTHOTH, IA SHUB NIGGURATH, IA RYLEH, CTHULHU FAHTAGN!!!!

You take yourself too seriously, nobody is that interested and your ego needs to deflate, Im sorry I even read the first two lines, Mon diu, listen to yourself Paige, you have lost all of my respect as a person.  What happened to that sweet girl I used to know?  do you know how powerful words are?  they are magic you know, you set yourself up as the Queen of nothing, I hope you enjoy it.

try having a little fun with your youth, you might as well be a fucking nun with those standards, marry the jewish prophet and die a wrinkled untasted wasted and putrid fetid mass of sulfurous stench, open the mouth of hell and let it devour you!

I will say no more to you ever.  I hope you read this and delete me from your friends and ban me, there is no need to further consider you a person, YOU ARE FOOD FOR WORMS, nothing.

Sincerely,     Jordan Le May

PS THIS NOTE WAS WRITTEN IN RESPONSE TO THE LIST OF STANDARDS CREATED BY PAIGE BERGMAN, I TAKE IT PERSONALLY AS AN ATTACK ON HUMILITY, THIS WOMAN WOULD SAY NO TO THE FACE OF LOVE AND TRADE IT IN FOR ONE OF SATANS HUNDRED COCKS.  MONEY, POWER, AND MANIPULATION ARE ALL THAT ARE REQUIRED TO MEET THESE STANDARDS, LOVE IS NOT INVOLVED IN THIS ONE TIME.  VIRTUE AND TRUE CHIVALRY ARE DESTROYED ONCE AGAIN BY A WOMAN.  I MAKE IT MY PERSONAL GOAL TO DEFEND ANYONE WHO HAS AN ACTUAL PERSONALITY FROM THE TYRANNY OF HER CONSTRAINTS.  IF I WOULD HAVE KNOWN THIS SIDE OF HER I WOULD HAVE NEVER BECOME A FRIEND OF HERS IN THE FIRST PLACE AND I AM DEEPLY SORRY THAT I HAVE.  THIS WILL BE FORGOTTEN AND NEVER SPOKEN OF AS SHOULD ANY TRUE STAIN ON THE SOUL OF FREEDOM.

DO WHAT THOU WILT SHALL BE THE WHOLE OF THE LAW
LOVE IS THE LAW, LOVE UNDER WILL
EVERY MAN AND EVERY WOMAN IS A STAR

preserved for posterity and saved to my PC should anything become of this,
THE ORIGINAL LETTER.

Don’t call me by my last name constantly.

Or ever.

I am not one of your “bros”, and it is certainly not helping your chances of taking me on a date.

Also, if I don’t answer you in one form of communication, feel free to stop there. No need to try and contact me in 5 other ways.

Sexual talk is not a plus. If somehow by a miracle of geezus I go on a date with you, you will be dating me for my personality. Not my body. If you mistakenly think otherwise, I have 4 brothers, a father and a step father who would be happy to show you the light.

I am a big fan of chivalry and romantic surprises. Big big fan.

Let me spoil you if I want. No use arguing with me. I will just get annoyed and do it anyways. Making others happy, makes me happier than you can imagine. Shut up and just let me do it.

Smell nice. I greatly appreciate not only a man that takes the time to groom himself, but go the extra mile to smell nice. Not that axe stuff, but a nice cologne. P.s. please don’t bathe in your cologne. I’ll point it out. And you will be embarrassed.

Let me steal your shirts and hoodies. It makes me feel special and close to you. I don’t care if you want to wear your favorite Supreme shirt the next day.

Be funny. You don’t make me laugh, I won’t be around much. Seriously.

I don’t expect you to talk to me every day. But something as little as a good morning have a nice day text makes all the difference.

The day you meet my parents, you will meet my cat, Mittens. You will shake my parents hands and be as polite as you have ever been in your life. You will not try to pet my cat. He is judging you every second you are here to ensure you are worthy of me. Should you not meet his standards, you will not step foot in my household again. Mittens is head honcho of my heart. Don’t mess with him.

If you have a barrage of women you flirt with, have sex with and flat out say/do the same things with them as you do with me, beat it. Hit the road. Unacceptable. Not happening. Forget about it. No. Scum.

A job and your own mode of transportation are to be expected at least.

Smoking is disgusting. If you smoke or chew, your mouth will not be coming anywhere near me until you quit.


It’s Paige time. I’m done having crappy standards. I’m done settling. I am going to get someone I deserve. These are just a few things I feel need to be enforced.

A Mild Dose

I had a thought today that i will share with the internet for the sake of the wonderful institution of marriage.

Marriage gets a bad rap constantly from everybody including me (but most especially married people) and while smoking a cigarette after playing video games for 12 hours I was pretty tired and having acid flashbacks that could rock John Lennon's world into the scattered fragments of my dolphin statue.  I was thinking about a friend who had changed his name and, more importantly, how much bullshit the name change involved.  You have to get a new social security number and alert anyone you have any bills with to change your name and the same with any legal documents.  I had given consideration to this and looked around my yard, "wow, my mother had to change her name twice, and change the name on her deed with an ex-husband (aka father) making everything about the old house hundreds of times more complicated. 

If a man marries a woman and has her change her name, she will have had to put up with bullshit immediately.  While you wipe the crusted cum off the tip of your dick with a little pee in the bathroom, your new wife is at the social security office and changing her name.  She had to change her name just to conform to a failing traditional value which leaves the woman a little bitter having only gained a loud, drinking, farting and mostly impotent walking dildo, while he had to go through little effort and gains a loud and especially irritating sloppy, wet, deep, cavernous wet hole. 

The man could change his name to the woman's last name however this is so emasculating that you should just start referring to her as "Lady Bobbett".

You could keep your separate names.  This is just as good accept that the children produced out of this (unless you are gay, in which case who cares about your marriage.  Remember that marriage is a religious institution and considers you an abomination.) will have to always wonder why their names are so horribly long with hyphens. The parties involved will not get the feeling that they have sufficiently incorporated themselves into this new entity or "Family".

SOLUTION!!

Change both of your last names to something that would fit your new new selves.  Everybody knows that once you get married your social life almost immediately dies, so what better way to solidify your marriage and spruce up the ole' carbon footprint with a creative new name!  You and your partner or partners (in a perfect world) get the chance to come together and create something truly individual giving you a bond that will be a little harder to shake off than your standard drunken blackout Vegas marriage. 

Think about it...

French

Well I have spent quite a lot of time overseas begging for money doing hard drugs, hitch hiking, partying and getting arrested however I have yet to learn how to ask "Where is the toilet" in French.  This language is fairly complicated because of the strange way they spell words and use their alphabet.  It is similar to English in many ways such as the unpredictable mannerisms they use.

What the hell am I saying, as though I am a linguist!  I speak English and German, both not as well as I ought to.  back to the topic, Toothpicks!  Are you like me?  Do you need a constant supply of toothpicks on hand 24-7?  Its not a replacement for smoking since you will often find me chewing on a toothpick only to light up literally seconds later twirling both around each other in my mouth.  That just sounds gay doesn't it?  Well this is pretty gay



























I knew you would like some GAGA in your face all confusing and shit.  When I first heard about this bitch I thought she was a dude dressed as a chick which is the rumor that happened shortly before everyone in my immediate social network began to notice her to.  What a way to get attention eh!  Make em all think your a dude secretly.  Maybe I should become a chick who is super famous to reveal later on that I am actually RuPaul!  I will let you stew on that.  All of your chickens are belong to me!

CB

The beginning of the end

Good day to you sir or ma'am,

     It is great to see you have found me in my humble abode.  This vast and empty pitted landscape filled with all sorts of strange lights and sounds, Trolls and just plain ole assholes.  Nothing compares to the rush of seeing the people get their minds fucked by a lurking nerd with far too much time on his hands and a lot of hurt in his butt.  This ride has thrills and chills and people think that its real, this is the power of your minds.
     Imagine what you could be doing now, walking the dog, washing the cat, painting the chickens, or even mowing the roof.  BUT YOUR NOT!  Out there at this very moment are hundreds of people, yes, literally hundreds, partaking in activities that are entirely pointless and all together too stressful.  Could you imagine back in the good ole days when a man got bored he would get pissed and beat his ole lady?  Neither can I, which is why I am glad you have overcome your baser instincts and have chosen to follow me, your humble host/mod/writer/schizophrenic-alcoholic comrade, but you can call me...

CB 

does this font look good to you?  How about this one?  When was the last time a lonely and sincerely ugly young woman got her rocks off on the bridge of your nose?  Do you ever have any guns, boats, and/or Mexicans fun?  The strange thing here is that Im almost certain I cannot use any things that i have prev iously utilized on the internet for this site.        WILL You EVER ReAD thIS!!!!  

You know you want it.
Yours without any serious commitment,

CB